Thoughts As We Enter 2008
When I write on the Semillas de Amor blog I try to stay away from too many words, too much information and instead let the photos of the children tell the story. However, this afternoon I was putting away some photos and ran across a few photos of the place that brought me to Guatemala, to live, almost 14 years ago. I felt like I needed to tell "our"story.
The first time I had visited Guatemala was 1991. I knew that I wanted to find a project I could help. I also knew that I did not want to live in Guatemala nor did I want to work with children. I also was sure I did not want to work with the Catholic church. Lo and behold on my first trip to Guatemala not only did I find the perfect place to put my heart but it was also everything I swore I would not be involved with.
The little place, a nutritional center/warehouse for kids, is in the Western Highlands of Guatemala. An acquaintace took me there and what I saw sickened and saddened me more than I could believe. There were forty plus children, ages newborn to 12, living without running water, dirty and malnourished. There was no joy, except when a stranger showed up and the children would devour every ounce of energy that person had. That is what happened to me. When I first saw the kids I was shocked. How could children be raised in those conditions? Filth, no toys, no books, no activities and more importantly no one to love them. After spending a few hours at the orphanage and talking with the head nun I was acutely aware of their needs. What I wasn't sure of is if I would have the strength or even the desire to be involved. As I drove away and back to my hotel I kept trying to make excuses for not going back. I had my own business, I had kids, although my youngest was graduating from high school soon, I had a life, friends, family. I had every reason not to be involved. However, I had a nagging feeling in my gut and I knew I would be back. It was too easy not to be involved. Too easy to say, "oh, I am sorry, but maybe in a few years I can help out." Knowing that time would never come.
On my 40th birthday I threw myself a big party. Anyone who knows me, knows that I really don't like parties and I especially don't like ones where I am the center of attention. But I had an agenda and that was to finagle donations from my friends for the orphanage rather than birthday gifts for me. I returned to Guatemala three months after my first visit with 50 boxes of supplies and $3000.00 from my birthday party. I was terrified to go back and knew that I was entering a new phase of my life. I stayed for a month with the nuns and kids. I didn't speak Spanish, didn't especially like kids or church but found Myself in that little orphanage. The gringa showed up with riches from El Norte but what I got back in love from the children and the nuns had a very different value.
The kids were so needy and so desperate for love that it was easy to be with them. They taught me Spanish and I played, hugged, loved and read to them. I went to Mass nightly with the nuns, not out of a need to attend church, but there was nothing to do at night at the orphanage so going to Mass was my recreation. After a month of endless days of kids crawling all over me and my heart being filled with love I went back to the States for another three months. My heart ached when I left Guatemala. I ached for the kids, I felt their sadness and their need for someone to love them. Someone to be there for them. These kids were all the "throw aways" that had experienced so many horrors in such short little lives. I knew I could not and would not turn my back on them. However, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.
After 2 years of going back and forth to Guatemala I made a decision to spend a year at the orphanage and design a program for the kids, hire a teacher and find them funding. I said good-bye to all that I knew in the States and entered a totally new world--Guatemala.
Within a few months I was sure that I would not be returning to the States in a year. There was so much to do. With some volunteer help I built a little school house that housed my 40 students during the week. The kids had never had books so I taught them to respect the books before they were able to handle them. These guys were fast learners. If they weren't they would lose a chance and there weren't many opportunities for them. Our classroom, although damp and dusty was a place where miracles happened. Little minds learned, budding artists grew and a love of music blossomed. Each day when I left, the kids would go to the front of my car and push my car out of the parking lot. The car did not need to be pushed but I think it was their way of holding on to me until the last minutes. Most days on my 50 minute drive home I would cry. I wanted so badly to give all the kids what they needed most, love and safety.
I could go on and on (and I really could) about my experiences in Guatemala but I won't. What I would like you to know that my tenacity over the last 14 years to make sure that the children under my care do not suffer, have people to love them, are respected, and have activities to open their hearts and minds grew from my experiences with the children at the little orphanage. What I could not give them, I could give to children under my direct care.
So as we move into 2008 and Semillas de Amor moves into our new and beautiful home, it is with gratitude that I thank all those little kids at the orphanage for opening my heart and mind. For teaching me what they needed. This new children's home in Parramos is in honor of you, who never had a chance to be a child.
The photos in the slide show are of the children in the orphanage, at least 14 years ago. The the little yellow building is our classroom. I often wonder what happened to the children, who are now adults.
posted by Seeds of Love @ 6:49 PM
7 comments
links to this post
